love this

too good to leave, too bad to stay

ring ring

bell
sounding
make
tears
wet
face
dry
heart

call
silently
and
round
up
and
down

sing
loudly
and
shout
affirmations
of
love

Phase 1

accomplished!

geraniums have no fear

get out of the way

inside there's a girl
a little girl
angry at not being heard

inside there's a song
to be sung
a song of protection

the woman
has been afraid
but now
she knows it is
not about her

the girl
the gift
of voice

it is time
it can be done
it's real

mother love

sing your heart out

reaching out
i find myself doubting
afraid
worried
judgemental
of myself
and for myself

sing out loud

i want to
i need to
believe it
hunger for it

work for it

i can do it

red onion love

journeywoman

traversing
internal pathways
there are blockages
unremembered
but no less powerful than those that are clearly visible
in memory

i'm seeking
some peace
and some freedom
revitalisation as well

these times
not the best not the worst
these are the key finding years

let the light shine on dark hidden
habits
self destructive, self sabotaging,

forged in an internal blast furnace
of pain and fear
the child who needed to grow old
and be strong
before her next birthday

to cope with all things without flinching

locking the fear away in the musculature
in the kidneys
the liver, the lungs...

locking the heart against the chance
of pain

sadly this inhibited spontaneity and joy

to understand
is not
to be

but all mountains
are climbed in the same slow way

clickety clack clickety clack....

liquid light

newly washed in white light
i venture into the grey murky shadows
they cling to me
and i attract the dark patches
they stick to my skin and
make me itch

sucked from the clutches of contentment
split from grace
dripped like hot wax onto my record are the
pains and sorrows
burnt into my flesh

i'm reaching towards the light
my hand is a silhouette
beyond it are the things to come

the taste of
perfect pitch

drink 
liquid light

shattered

and fed up
sad
and broken
lost
and late
for everything

sing, sing

i've been learning to sing
it's quite a technical business

i feel toned each time i go to a class

loving it

concert coming up

this is a bit of a scare

trusting in the heavens that i
can do it

bee tray all

betrayal
one of the most
deadly
of the dark destructive
arts

for those who
are
unaware
there are many traps

i vow to fall into them no more
i vow to cleanse the lair
that has left an open door
to my soul
or
more like
to my feelings

i felt burnt
a feel dirty
i am puzzled
and
tired
beyond
measure

goodnight
blog
keep me safe
and all those i love
xoxo

its been real

sometimes

lost and found again and again

reason
without reason

impression
platinum hair glows

even i can't care about this new development

invaluable
when the heart is home

and beating

keep it
give it
show it

it works better when its been broken and mended

oh for a simple sentence!

a light is needed

again and again
the fearful
blood rushing to my head
extremities go numb
incomprehension at the rage
being thrown at me

sound of plates and glasses smashing
being shouted at
being told
i'm wrong
i'm difficult
being shouted at
told i'm saying things in a way that is insulting

i answered a question in the wrong tone of voice

i made one comment
'i just did a load of dishes before'

this was called a lecture

i am unhappy
i am living in an oppressive situation
there is a lack of flexibility and joy

there is swearing
negativity
violence
hatred

i must rescue myself

fall over

fall in
fall out
fall all about
fall over
me in the middle of the road

fall in to me
fall to the soft white folds
lean over and kiss
my
cheek
for
i am feeling sad
and lost to the pale promises
made many years
ago

before i knew
the harsh reality
of self rescue

ingratitude has
grown
in my heart

i am watering
and weeding
and replenishing
as i am able

but my will
has been stretched thin over
shapes that don't give
only take
waving money in my face

still there is
never enough

i have lessons
to learn

i pray to myself
asking for inner wisdom
to speak to me
in my native tongue

spill seed on fertile soil
grow strong
make it count
to 100 and keep adding
noughts

money

all hope

clinging to a flimsy

raft of hope

against reality

but

looking in the eyes

of fortune

i

ask

a

favour

its not much to ask

so many dollars

in

the

world

move

some

into

my

path

please

the truth

i'm swimming

in the green but feeling blue

it is an occupation

sometimes

i feel blue melting everything

down

and i spiral to the worst conclusions

drowning but still breathing

living and hoping for more

believing in the magic illusion as saviour

but the blue knows the truth about everything

and i am an unwilling future teller

one day

leads to another

Sinead O'Connor - Peggy Gordon

sad by nature

sadness is my friendly haven

it makes me feel

it gives me things to love

and miss

it finds beautiful music

to serenade me

it makes me think of

the happiness that has been

and will be

old sculptures

'old sculptures'

jack said that, and it applies here

looking into the past

love the times in adelaide

the places, people, weather

the food

just evacuating myself from

my brother's house

at christies beach

gives me a sense of sadness

to be leaving

adelaide rocked me gently

showed me love

from people

and sent me questing into new things

art school was a distinct mental shift

for me, that shift gave me so much

i wander amongst the memories,

picking over the rubble

john mcguinness is there,

existing only in my memory

now.

i've been toasted in forty degrees

i've been drenched in sheets of driving rain

and cleansed by a mother of a wind

now i move on to older climes

salt bush red dirt strong wind blue sky hot sun