unnamed ...unblamed

it's like this see
you won't believe it
when i tell you

it's not
well it is the colour
it's embrace
so tender
tight, so tight

unintended violence
kills the mood
scraping out a song
as it skates over old wounds
turning everything red

sound echoes
becomes unreal
time is eclipsed
becomes a pictogram
like a sliver of moon
so cool and perfectly white

but always
the never ending
song of melancholy
begs for more
boom boom banga b.b.b.boom

reverberating inside the skull
thoughts rattling
expectations jarred, pickled,
preserved in seductive shapes
like aspic transparent, but solid like jelly

in the end
i feel like
i'm still at the beginning
still looking ahead
anticipating so intensely

raindrops shot through with sunshine

laughter pealing
sarcastic lips

it's not my future
nor my past

it's all the uncharted stuff that clogs the brain
i can't help but feed it
and hope it eats itself to death

unfurling

into
liquid
i crumble
like a biscuit filled with cream
unfolding
and
re inventing myself
call
to
the
night
to give me a break

snap
my fingers in time to the rhythm
that runs in my blood
keep the time
beat the time
lose the time
find
everything you wanted
to lose

click
over the moon
and jump into the soft lost memory
it feels deliciously warm
and i call to my mother

i need
i want but wont have a bar of
being held
tight

conquistador of time

you know
some days
some people
some thing
always sticks
in my throat
i cough
and sneeze
and inhale vapour
i
watch
mist
fold over all thats familiar
and
it has a beauty
it's air
but its mysterious
because
its opaque
i
see
glimpses
of moments
times when someone was by my side
and
it was happy
or boring
or sad
or exciting
or
i
question it all
and
you know

you can't

be serious

vale

a lot of sadness
a lot of dying
and pain of loss
there's a sense of doom

but it's spawn of sadness

a hollow sadness
an ache in the heart
pain in the brain
for lost comrades
in shadow now
their
numbers added
on a dark abacus

their bright lights
the energy they carried
it's been handed on to each of us who are left
we carry bright moments
magic of that
and this way we
keep their energy alive
in the world
it becomes part of our life
and those we meet

in this way we are
made rich by others
who pass through
our orbit

eyes wide open

looking!

hope shine

sleep in a black patch
make the hardness
soft
and sing the worst songs
in the best voice
and
tell me another one
i could use a laugh

creation

if it were possible to reinvent one thing
would i reinvent myself
or would i reinvent the world

pixels have feelings too

eyes staring into pixels
pixels boring into eyes
changing my perspective

mind models itself to fit those
bright shiny people in there
in that world of colour and compressed audio
they're made entirely of pixels
pixels that are
chasing other attractively arranged pixels

theyre going to make little people
made entirely of pixels

we can become virtual copies of our insides
our outsides can become reinvented
to match

(insert sound effect here)

invention of no

im looking for me
im here
but im lost
in rhymes
and nonsense

trapped
in the sad lost hopes
of my mothers mothers mother

im looking for real
life
not this pretend one
the one that's painted
on

freed
from the convictions
of times gone by

im just tickling
the surface
peeling away old paint
and clutter

shot through with hope
striving for 100% coverage
and the end of that
pain, that painful pain, the one
that says
no you cant
youre not good enough
youre a fake
youre not clever enough
youre not talented
you didnt get a degree
youre fat
youre shaped all wrong
youre boring
youre old
the one who knows
they're all laughing behind their hand

the one that knows
they're all totally aware of my inadequacies
even more than i am

that pain is a real pain
but it's not real
it's made up.

busted

wiping away the sweat, hot tears clean my eyes,
hands black with energy
caught in readiness

running to nowhere
and reaching safety
only to lose footing

falling into a liquid that swallows
everything for miles

and exhales
every feeling you ever had
transmuted to air

now i'm light as air
im like a balloon
blown up to maximum

will i burst

onlooker

first memory is yellow
it's light and full of air
followed by some heavier darker
place
rooms without light
filled with anger and fear
and bathed in incomprehension

of me
the onlooker

looking
not knowing
just taking it in

thinking
normal

began to keep the circle closed
dont invite trouble

live without visitors

be the sun
you don't need anyone's help
to shine

Faraway wind calls my name

It's night
And dark
And cold

But it's warm in here
But it's
Quiet

Just the tick tick tock

Faraway and close i hear
Wind sound fx

A long repressed and maligned
Pain
Calls my name

I hear it

It's scared
Telling me
What are ya doing?
Or is it asking me

But it feels like telling
Warning

Worry
And live not
And
Love me not
On a white white cloudy day

Chip chip chip
Away
To the heart
A
Way
To
The
Heart

strange and normal

y'know
what
it's just trouble
some
times

y'know
it's just disheartening
some
times

but
there
is
a
place
inside

deep

because
some
people
they
come
and they bring the darkness

they
want
to
be
the
ones
the only ones

you
need
to
feed
your
self
bright
white
light

drink
it
down

choke
on
it

and
cough
up
the
dark
chunks

you
can't
use
them
anymore




2

y'know
what
that
voice
it's not yours

it's not theirs

it's
a
loop

an
ancient
loop

the loop is tired

white

finding the white places
inside my motivation

finding the white canvas
contains the hope of every painting

finding the white thought
that believes in the night
and the sun

keeps me warm
and cool

and alive

just a bit further now

its only another day
they've been strung together
for so long now that i cant remember the
beginning
but i want something that i feel
like
feels like it was there in the
beginning
so its a feeling of lostness
lostness
like a faded memory
bleached by chemicals
burned by invisible forces
but it's in there somewhere
just can't quite reach