what am i entitled to?

 tba

panic or attack

 falling

and 

dropping 

stop

need 

help

stop

my equilibrium has deserted its post and everything

overwhelms

stop

the beginning

and the end

the 

same

pain

stop

just stop

bounce back

it's been an awful long time
and in some ways a long awful time

many things have changed
life has taken blood from me
and i worry that i've wilted to a shadow
of my remembered self

feeling the autumn
want to move to the summer
it's a long drive
and i'm uncertain
about which direction is best

i send out love and wait for a bounce back

the sad

the world has made me cry
these tears
fall

it's like that

sing me a song
of the best and the worst times

the cool and the warm
wrapped together
in life's embrace

rock bottom

flatter than the bottom of the tyre
like a stain on the skin
a freckle with ragged edges
or a spill on an old sheet
dried and lifeless

hydration and inflation
milk the dreams
to make it rain
opaque drops of snow white intention

keeping good company
til it hurts

or laying lower than low in the places
where the superior glow
can't shine

i wonder what can you grow here?

feel so fine

you are my moonshine
you make me cloudy
but i make me grey
sun shines
too
butter yellow cups of gleam
in the midday
light
mine radiates from within
so hot
so fine
so molten
melted on the vine
setting
in the shape
of the last feeling
known
to the last person
to feel
...
no more time

cry a little every day

withering on the vine and blowing in the wind, keeping the draft at bay.
finding the silver lining, chasing rainbows over the horizon and far away.
keeping a close watch on this heart of mine, taking it to the limit one more time.
wandering among the wreckage, looking for an angel.
the price you pay, you can't always get what you want.
in the middle of the road, crying out your name, freedom.

love

love is as love does
love wins all battles
love opens all hearts
love

bitchverse

feel it
feel the emotion
can't be contained
can't be stopped

anger
annoyance
exclusion
oneupmanship

i cant play that game
i wont play
but i will win by stealth

but i don't even believe it
i will desert the playing field

i will survive in my own universe
and leave the bitch to the bitchverse

live

dream away

these thoughts come from a silly fb puzzle
beautiful
genius
scared
see those three words
pick them out of a lineup

and then go back to
living

silver ghost

into the silver years, the ones that people dread.  i'm surprised by how much personhood is disregarded by those around me.
not worth investing time into an old dried out stick.
there is still life and dreams and hopes and inspiration and lust for life flowing through these veins.  so fuck you all.
one must believe
one has a need to continue
to the places that call my name.

fly right

flying
in
circles around the sun

burnt
by
proximity to truth

lunge
into
orbit
of
seeking

frozen oranges

went to the hospital
saw sick people
felt sick too
just looking at them
made me know my inner sickness

the unworthiness
the painful tearing up inside my gut
falling over on my face
on the inside
but remaining unspontaneous
frozen in fear

ha ha ha
life

pheel it

pheel
feel
real

oh

oh
oh
oh
ooh

it's
oh
so
controlled

equals darkest red known

inside my heart
are wide arid deserts
flashy red
desert pea flowers
smooth ancient hills
gibberstones
red red red
sand

perfect
contrast
clay
and gypsum
reflecting
the sun into my eyes

i'm squinting
but
trying to keep
it all in

holding
the
memories in every
tight muscle
and every
flabby
moment
they hold strong
in
the
centre
of
my red black heart

tie it on

over the mauve hills
falling
into
a
heap

drip
drip
drip

take
take
give

me
a
break