bee tray all

betrayal
one of the most
deadly
of the dark destructive
arts

for those who
are
unaware
there are many traps

i vow to fall into them no more
i vow to cleanse the lair
that has left an open door
to my soul
or
more like
to my feelings

i felt burnt
a feel dirty
i am puzzled
and
tired
beyond
measure

goodnight
blog
keep me safe
and all those i love
xoxo

its been real

sometimes

lost and found again and again

reason
without reason

impression
platinum hair glows

even i can't care about this new development

invaluable
when the heart is home

and beating

keep it
give it
show it

it works better when its been broken and mended

oh for a simple sentence!

a light is needed

again and again
the fearful
blood rushing to my head
extremities go numb
incomprehension at the rage
being thrown at me

sound of plates and glasses smashing
being shouted at
being told
i'm wrong
i'm difficult
being shouted at
told i'm saying things in a way that is insulting

i answered a question in the wrong tone of voice

i made one comment
'i just did a load of dishes before'

this was called a lecture

i am unhappy
i am living in an oppressive situation
there is a lack of flexibility and joy

there is swearing
negativity
violence
hatred

i must rescue myself

fall over

fall in
fall out
fall all about
fall over
me in the middle of the road

fall in to me
fall to the soft white folds
lean over and kiss
my
cheek
for
i am feeling sad
and lost to the pale promises
made many years
ago

before i knew
the harsh reality
of self rescue

ingratitude has
grown
in my heart

i am watering
and weeding
and replenishing
as i am able

but my will
has been stretched thin over
shapes that don't give
only take
waving money in my face

still there is
never enough

i have lessons
to learn

i pray to myself
asking for inner wisdom
to speak to me
in my native tongue

spill seed on fertile soil
grow strong
make it count
to 100 and keep adding
noughts

money

all hope

clinging to a flimsy

raft of hope

against reality

but

looking in the eyes

of fortune

i

ask

a

favour

its not much to ask

so many dollars

in

the

world

move

some

into

my

path

please

the truth

i'm swimming

in the green but feeling blue

it is an occupation

sometimes

i feel blue melting everything

down

and i spiral to the worst conclusions

drowning but still breathing

living and hoping for more

believing in the magic illusion as saviour

but the blue knows the truth about everything

and i am an unwilling future teller