onlooker

first memory is yellow
it's light and full of air
followed by some heavier darker
place
rooms without light
filled with anger and fear
and bathed in incomprehension

of me
the onlooker

looking
not knowing
just taking it in

thinking
normal

began to keep the circle closed
dont invite trouble

live without visitors

be the sun
you don't need anyone's help
to shine

Faraway wind calls my name

It's night
And dark
And cold

But it's warm in here
But it's
Quiet

Just the tick tick tock

Faraway and close i hear
Wind sound fx

A long repressed and maligned
Pain
Calls my name

I hear it

It's scared
Telling me
What are ya doing?
Or is it asking me

But it feels like telling
Warning

Worry
And live not
And
Love me not
On a white white cloudy day

Chip chip chip
Away
To the heart
A
Way
To
The
Heart

strange and normal

y'know
what
it's just trouble
some
times

y'know
it's just disheartening
some
times

but
there
is
a
place
inside

deep

because
some
people
they
come
and they bring the darkness

they
want
to
be
the
ones
the only ones

you
need
to
feed
your
self
bright
white
light

drink
it
down

choke
on
it

and
cough
up
the
dark
chunks

you
can't
use
them
anymore




2

y'know
what
that
voice
it's not yours

it's not theirs

it's
a
loop

an
ancient
loop

the loop is tired

white

finding the white places
inside my motivation

finding the white canvas
contains the hope of every painting

finding the white thought
that believes in the night
and the sun

keeps me warm
and cool

and alive

just a bit further now

its only another day
they've been strung together
for so long now that i cant remember the
beginning
but i want something that i feel
like
feels like it was there in the
beginning
so its a feeling of lostness
lostness
like a faded memory
bleached by chemicals
burned by invisible forces
but it's in there somewhere
just can't quite reach

car metaphor

you want the love
that you can't give
you wanna lift my bonnet
and look under the lid

i've topped up the tank
eat my dust

you can
find a new hinge
to squeak

i'm running down the future
the past is gone
it's livin in your mind
and
I'm movin on

changin my colour
set my own mood
rubber hits the road
i'll be
glidin on nitrogen

oh yea

i'm running down the future

the past is gone

it's livin in your mind

and

I'm movin on

f to the c

curse, and cuss and swear and rage
over and over
was there anyone that you met that was ok
that you liked

or were they all worth swearing about
and at
and cant you feel respect for your daughter
do you think its ok to call her names
always

bored and angry
and fed up