down.. down.. deeper down

its going down
down the pipes
or the sewer
or wherever mood and good humour
go

instead i have
a big lump of anxiety
in my gut
and a lead weight
in my head

and a voice
that tells me it's all a waste of time
give up

can't possibly go anywhere
work!  out of the question!

eyes flat and face deadpan
tears holed up
just inside my eyes

which feel curiously dry
but if i need to talk to anyone
well then they're gonna flood
gonna  flood
meanwhile
rain is falling in my heart

jed doesn't have a flat

imagine my surprise
i thought it was a done deal
done my grieving
planned ahead
thought through the options

the flat fell through

hmmm

Jed has a flat

children born
children grow
children leave

mother loves
mother grows
mother happy

mother lost

one more
time
one will leave

then i'll be
single again

after all these years

happy they go
sad they go
loss infused with accomplishment

time reclaimed
life's cogs turn
to the next click

webs

cleaning all the tiny cobwebs
away
but they cling
and some just won't budge

the spider's moved on
but the webs cannot

until i come along
to wipe them away

cleaning the debris
severing the tiny strings

making way for new
connections

but gossamer
still blows in the wind
and sticks to
whatever
it can find